Clary Diary

Dear Daddy, You took us by surprise. I don't even remember that you love surprises. You left us too soon. Too soon that we didn't get a chance to patch things up. Of course we're okay. There is no perfect family, no perfect parent, no perfect child. Those little arguments have been normal to us since you took  that "left turn." Since you've been gone, I'm beginning to figure out what you really feel. Why you chose to stay even if you're being pushed away. Because you chose us. Until the very end, you never left us. You're absence has left a soft mark in our hearts, in our conscience. It has been a vivid realization of how important you are to us. How generous you were as the head of the family and most importantly, you never stopped caring for your children and grandchildren. 

I am the child that looks healthy and fine. I was born with ten fingers and toes. But something is different, somewhere in my mind. And what it is, nobody knows. I am the child that struggles in school. Though they say that I'm perfectly smart. They tell me I'm lazy, can learn if I try. But I don't seem to know where to start.

VeinViewer is a vein finder that uses infrared light to look under the skin and projects an HD image of the veins onto the surface of the skin. There won't be any miss when the doctors and nurses poke you with a needle next time. (Christie Medical Holdings, a Memphis based company, US). I have a son who has a difficult-to-locate veins who suffered from acquired sepsis in the hospital when he was born. Pre-term and only weighs 1.8kl. He was so small and thin, with visible rib bones, pale skin and can barely breathe. He was supported by various medical equipments and stayed in NICU for a month then in ICU for 2 months.

I have a child with special needs. He was born premature, an eight-month medically fragile baby and was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay Syndrome. Yes we did everything. From early diagnosis, early interventions like Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy. Whatever you might think of to tell me what to do, I've done it.  When you have a child with special needs, you'll get to meet a lot of medical specialists. From General Pediatrician to Developmental Pediatrician, Opthalmologist, Ortolaryngologist to different Therapists. Who wouldn't want answers and solutions to their child issues, right? It is hard, and it hurts.

Today is Black Saturday. As I am lying on the couch while my kids are still asleep, I remembered the day when my family visited the Kamay ni Hesus Shrine and Healing Center located in Brgy. Tinamnan in Lucban, Quezon. I think it was the first time when we all gathered together to have a trip to a recreational place like this aside from swimming every summer. It was rougly about a six-hour journey from our home. If I am not mistaken, there were 52 family members including my 86 yrs old grandmother carried by 2 jeepneys and a car have had our first meaningful road trip early this year. Kamay ni Hesus is a popular pilgrimage destination in the Philippines, a shrine where many people cling to their faith that they will be healed and lots of answered prayer were given to those who strongly believe.

I know. I haven't even visited my blog for six months. And  today, it feels like I need to allot a portion of my busy-as-a-bee mommy time to exhale and destress by sharing my thoughts and experiences. Thanks to blogging, by the way.

I know, some of us moms experienced scolding their kids (including husbands) for not using a sliver of soap because it is not easy to use in the shower or in the bath. Soap isn't very expensive but any amount of waste adds up. I share the same dilemma because my teen son used to open a new box of bath soap after dumping the thin one (not too thin after all) into the toilet bowl. Some of you might be looking for ways on how to make it useful, oh well, not all moms are "OC" like me but I bet, you're going to love this idea which I included in trillions of my tasks.