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An Open Letter for Daddy


Dear Daddy,

You took us by surprise. I don't even remember that you love surprises. You left us too soon. Too soon that we didn't get a chance to patch things up. Of course we're okay. There is no perfect family, no perfect parent, no perfect child. Those little arguments have been normal to us since you took  that "left turn."

 Since you've been gone, I'm beginning to figure out what you really feel. Why you chose to stay even if you're being pushed away. Because you chose us. Until the very end, you never left us. You're absence has left a soft mark in our hearts, in our conscience. It has been a vivid realization of how important you are to us. How generous you were as the head of the family and most importantly, you never stopped caring for your children and grandchildren. 

How I wish I didn't make a mistake  on weighing your true character. How conceited I am to stare on your faults without even looking at the numerous favors you did for me. I have been so ungrateful to disregard your goodness as a father and only scrutinize you for being an unfaithful husband to Mommy. I am really sorry. You don't know how much regrets I have right now for not showing my love for you as your only daughter. You have known me for being tough, for being independent and stubborn. But it doesn't mean that I don't have the heart to care for you. I know, somehow, you know what is really in my heart. I hope you see how much I cared for you when you're sick. How much I worry when you're cough lasted for weeks. Even if I scold you most of the time for being the drunken master, I know you see beyond my fierceness lies a little girl who longs for daddy's cradle.

 I remember when I was in kinder, the very first time you flew to work abroad. I never stopped crying until you told me you'll leave to buy me a huge walking doll. That was the start of our struggles as a family. You'll stay for 3-4 weeks and then leave again for another two years. Those short weeks were never enough to make up for the lost times and this is the reason why my husband and I do not consider working abroad because it is not worth it. Time well spent with your kids will never be replaced with any amount of money.

 You decided to stay for good when I was already in second year high school when everything is different and we barely know each other anymore. Since then, I started to feel the wall between us. Big thanks to Mommy for slowly building the bridge between you and your children. But things did not go back to how it used to be since our childhood days. And I know, your decision working abroad was one of the biggest regrets you had in life.

 It's only two weeks since you left us. I know you are now in a happy place, in a safe and peaceful hands of our Lord in heaven. I just hope to spend a lot more time with you and be the best daughter that I can be. I hope to rebuild the wall and make up for the lost times. No matter what I do, these hopes and wishes will never come to reality. That is why I did everything that I can to make you settle in a place where I know you'll be the happiest. Beside your father's tomb. And now, I can feel your joy because I know, right now, you can see that you're already forgiven and that your children love you very much. Please continue watching over us, especially Mommy. She's trying so hard to conceal her grief, but I know she misses you very much.

 We love you so much Daddy. I will never forget you. I will forever be your little girl.

 You'll always be the best Father for us.
Happy Fathers Day, Daddy! 

 Love,
Clary

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