I think this is what they call "Birthday Blues." A feeling when you think that you will always be stuck in the same place and that your story has no change at all.
As I was cleaning the house the morning of August 2, Sunday,
over the music of MYMP (Juris' version of Superman), which I think is really
meant for me, because many people see me as Darna (the wonderwoman of the
Philippines), I felt a bit emotional, okay, I admit, too emotional thinking
about my existence as a wife, mom, daughter, sister and a friend to my loved
ones.
People think that what I do is spectacular and extraordinary
just because I have a child with special needs. Somehow, it is true because
having a special child means greater responsibility which takes extra effort that
would challenge your physical, mental and spiritual ability. But for me, what I
do is plainly being a "mom" to all my kids. I am just like any other
mom who would turn the world upside down for the sake of her children.
Being a full time mom, everyday is a mixture of joy, exhaustion,
fulfillment and survival. I have 3 boys ages 15, 8 (my special child) and a baby
that would turn 2 next month. You could imagine my round the clock
responsibility with all the household chores which sometimes left me restless
but still managed to smile and be grateful that I am able to do these things
for them.
There are times that I feel a pang of self pity maybe due to
exhaustion and lack of time for myself. There were nights when I long for a
night of laughter with my friends or walking around the mall, visiting my
favorite shops without having to carry a bag of baby bottles and diapers while
holding a kid who keeps on begging for ice cream. But I always end up remembering
the few times when I dropped by at the mall after running some errands, I couldn't
help myself but to think of my kids' smile on their faces when they come along
with me. You know, when you become a mom, your brain will always be divided
into two, for you and for your kids. It's not only about you anymore. It's not
only about the things that could make you happy. Sometimes, doing sacrifices
for them will give you the feeling of fulfillment and joy especially when you
see that they are becoming the children that you really wanted them to be.
At the end of the day, you'll feel your worth and it gives
you the certain happiness from within, that, yes, I am a supermom in the eyes
of my children.
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