Dear Lord,
I know
you can see me, you can hear me weep, and you can feel my pain. I am having a
difficult, high-risk pregnancy. It is even more difficult being alone without a
help from anyone to constantly attend to the needs of the kids and take care of
the household chores when the doctor advised me to take a complete bed
rest. What breaks my heart is to see my
kids calling me in the morning to prepare breakfast when I am at risk if I do
so.
Certainly, I would still take the risk with a thought that you, oh Lord, would never put me in danger. It is also hard to see my husband’s sacrifices when he has to clean the house while preparing our lunch and bathe my kid right after he put his bag on the table after work. I know how tiring it is for him but I never heard even a single complain. He does everything, sacrificed a lot with full of hopes and encouragement that we can get through all of this as long as we’re together. I can clearly see that my family has to go through these tough times.
For a devoted mom and wife like me, it is like killing me into pieces. Especially when I had to stop Joaqui from going to school everyday because nobody can accompany him everyday like I usually do. Lord, you know how much I cried seeing his school bag hanging against the wall because I really don’t want any of my kids to be deprived from any of their rights just because of my condition, but I have to. I have to think of the little life in my womb because it also has the right to see the world. It feels like the world is on my shoulder when Joaqui asks me to go to school every single morning and I can’t do anything but to look at my son and cry.
One day, I had spotting just because I cooked rice for my kids. But still I have to wake up at 4’o clock every morning to prepare my eldest to school. It feels so laborious for me to do simple things that I normally do. These simple instances made me feel less of a mother. I wasn’t able to perform my duty as a mom anymore. Lord, you know how much I took care of this family and how much I dedicated my whole life for them. I don’t want to see them getting affected of what is happening which is totally out of my control. I just want to see my kids to be happy and healthy and well taken care of.
My pregnancy changes everything. It turned our lives upside down. Certainly, I do not blame my baby but sometimes I blame myself for being not so strong at times especially when my loved ones see me cry. I just couldn’t handle the pain anymore. My life now is full of worries and pain. I know this is not good with my present condition but crying comes naturally partly because of hormones and the physical and emotional pain that I am experiencing at the moment. I worry
Certainly, I would still take the risk with a thought that you, oh Lord, would never put me in danger. It is also hard to see my husband’s sacrifices when he has to clean the house while preparing our lunch and bathe my kid right after he put his bag on the table after work. I know how tiring it is for him but I never heard even a single complain. He does everything, sacrificed a lot with full of hopes and encouragement that we can get through all of this as long as we’re together. I can clearly see that my family has to go through these tough times.
For a devoted mom and wife like me, it is like killing me into pieces. Especially when I had to stop Joaqui from going to school everyday because nobody can accompany him everyday like I usually do. Lord, you know how much I cried seeing his school bag hanging against the wall because I really don’t want any of my kids to be deprived from any of their rights just because of my condition, but I have to. I have to think of the little life in my womb because it also has the right to see the world. It feels like the world is on my shoulder when Joaqui asks me to go to school every single morning and I can’t do anything but to look at my son and cry.
One day, I had spotting just because I cooked rice for my kids. But still I have to wake up at 4’o clock every morning to prepare my eldest to school. It feels so laborious for me to do simple things that I normally do. These simple instances made me feel less of a mother. I wasn’t able to perform my duty as a mom anymore. Lord, you know how much I took care of this family and how much I dedicated my whole life for them. I don’t want to see them getting affected of what is happening which is totally out of my control. I just want to see my kids to be happy and healthy and well taken care of.
My pregnancy changes everything. It turned our lives upside down. Certainly, I do not blame my baby but sometimes I blame myself for being not so strong at times especially when my loved ones see me cry. I just couldn’t handle the pain anymore. My life now is full of worries and pain. I know this is not good with my present condition but crying comes naturally partly because of hormones and the physical and emotional pain that I am experiencing at the moment. I worry
because I don’t want everything that happened to Joaqui happen again this time.
I also had a difficult pregnancy before, until I gave birth to Joaqui
prematurely. Everybody knows what my family and I had to go through and it
almost killed me.
Lord, I am offering a fervent prayer to please guide me and
keep me safe all throughout my pregnancy. We wanted to keep this and we chose
to keep your gift because we know that this will be another source of our joy
eventually. Lord, please give us enough strength to face all of this. I know
you have your own reasons, whatever it may be, I know that in the end, it is in
your will to make us all happy and proud of what we have become after
everything that we’ve been through. Please take away all my worries and pain,
touch my heart and let me see the light at the end of this journey called
motherhood.
Sincerely,
Clary
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