Clary Diary

Long post ahead, but I hope I've touched your lives in one way or another. I haven't talked about this before. Only my closest friends know about it, not even all of my relatives. PWD ako. Orthopedic disability. I was diagnosed with Lumbar Radiculopathy, a herniated disc problem that could progress over time. The doctor warned me that there will come a time when I’ll be bedridden, and I won’t be able to control my bowel movements. I’ll pee and poop in bed, half-dead, and I won’t know when this might happen. I didn’t speak about this before. Aside from not wanting to be a burden, I didn’t want to dwell on it because I knew it would drain my strength. I was diagnosed in 2017. Therapy and medication couldn’t help anymore. Believe me, I tried everything, but surgery is the only solution. I need to prepare 500k, and that’s just for the hospital bill alone, not to mention the professional fees for the two teams of doctors, since it would be a major operation. I suffered from severe d...

Don't look at the surface. There is more to that. There's more to this apparently friendly, cheerful, and strong woman than meets the eye. She handles almost everything on her own. There are times when she feels that the world is on her shoulders but she always choose to endure it without passing the burden to anybody else. She trained herself to put the "happy mask" on when she has to face the world outside because she knew that everybody around her is sticking their nose into her life waiting for her downfall. She wouldn't give that kind of satisfaction to them. She trained herself to find positivity amidst every negative situation. She tries to find solution instead of playing the whining and blaming game. And what's good about her? She's happy seeing other people happy. She loves to be surrounded by happy people who she thinks will help her uplift her spirit. She got betrayed so many times by the people she trusted too much, by the people she shared he...

It has been 25 days after my birthday and as usual, adulthood has eaten me alive. I saw a post from a page asking "What would you like to tell to your younger self?" Instead of answering this long to the comment section, I decided to blog about it. Here it goes: Dear Younger Self, You should’ve finish your studies instead of engaging to premarital sex at the age of 16 and got pregnant at 18. Keep your promises to your parents no matter how hard it takes because you’re gonna feel guilty about it. Though you wouldn’t regret having 3 kids in the future, but you’re going to wish for a better and more comfortable life with a bigger house of your own, emergency money in the bank and an SUV. So, you gotta be thrifty. Spend your teenage years by trying a lot of adventures with your friends instead of working like a dog at an early age of 15. Well, I know the universe didn’t give you any choice. Anyways, expect yourself to be one badass woman when you grow older. You’ll be a s...

I am not the type of person who exerts effort and try to blend in because I know what I want and I know who I am. I just want to be okay with everybody. And okay means no exceptions, no pressure, no demands, no negativity, no dramas. Chill, cheerful and steady. I only wish to be valued, to be appreciated, and to always be remembered by the people that I Iaughed with and spent special moments with, through good times and bad times. Because if you would get a chance to know me better and be closer to me, you would know how much I value people. You’ll see and feel my sincerity.  I’ve got a very few trusted friends whom I never get a chance to spend time with as much as I want to simply because we already have our own priorities but whenever I need them, they are always one chat away. Though I know I can manage to be alone and most of the time I opted to be alone and be independent, I still want people to remember me at happy times. How I’ve touched their lives and how I made them sm...

First in 2019. Yes, I’ve got plans, I have a few wishes, but I completely surrender eveything to Him. I know I don’t have the power to make everything possible and all of the things in my favor. I just have to trust His plans, and his will, however it may be. I just want Him to walk beside me and remind me constantly that I can, that I am strong enough to get through it. 🙏 2019 Planner from Mercury Drug

When can I accept the reality that there will be kids who will look at my son with special needs, and whisper at each other then giggle? I know they are still kids but I hope that there will also be parents who would have the initiative to teach their children the awareness and compassion, kindness, patience and understanding towards kids with special needs, with visible disability or not, because there will always be kids like Joaqui in our society, whether at the malls, in  school, at the church, at the grocery especially in your neighborhood who has parents that will get hurt and deeply pained when their kids are being laughed at. Let us teach our children to learn the value of special friendships. Let us encourage kind behavior. It is never too early to teach our children about being nice at all times. They may not yet verbalize it, but they can understand it. I don't want to see any more special needs children being laughed at and bullied by other children. I’m a mom, and thi...

An 8-months premature baby boy who weighs more than 1 kilo, too small and thin, the rib cage are visible that nobody has the courage to carry you except me, who was in and out of the hospital and endured the pain from hundreds of needle inserts, is now going to a regular school and is continuing to make us proud and amazed by how you’re taking baby steps to be able to catch up with your peers. I h ope you’d understand that you don’t have to be exactly like them, I just want you to live happy and independently. You alone is a miracle when I almost give up and had fears back then that God will take you away from us. But you turned out to be a living proof that God will never give me more than I can handle and I believe that He will continue to guide us and provide for us as we take this journey hand in hand. I pray every night that the Lord will bless you with kind-hearted people who will look after you, protect you and love you when Mama and Papa are not around. Sounds morbid but I alwa...