Clary Diary

It has been 25 days after my birthday and as usual, adulthood has eaten me alive. I saw a post from a page asking "What would you like to tell to your younger self?" Instead of answering this long to the comment section, I decided to blog about it. Here it goes: Dear Younger Self, You should’ve finish your studies instead of engaging to premarital sex at the age of 16 and got pregnant at 18. Keep your promises to your parents no matter how hard it takes because you’re gonna feel guilty about it. Though you wouldn’t regret having 3 kids in the future, but you’re going to wish for a better and more comfortable life with a bigger house of your own, emergency money in the bank and an SUV. So, you gotta be thrifty. Spend your teenage years by trying a lot of adventures with your friends instead of working like a dog at an early age of 15. Well, I know the universe didn’t give you any choice. Anyways, expect yourself to be one badass woman when you grow older. You’ll be a s...

I am not the type of person who exerts effort and try to blend in because I know what I want and I know who I am. I just want to be okay with everybody. And okay means no exceptions, no pressure, no demands, no negativity, no dramas. Chill, cheerful and steady. I only wish to be valued, to be appreciated, and to always be remembered by the people that I Iaughed with and spent special moments with, through good times and bad times. Because if you would get a chance to know me better and be closer to me, you would know how much I value people. You’ll see and feel my sincerity.  I’ve got a very few trusted friends whom I never get a chance to spend time with as much as I want to simply because we already have our own priorities but whenever I need them, they are always one chat away. Though I know I can manage to be alone and most of the time I opted to be alone and be independent, I still want people to remember me at happy times. How I’ve touched their lives and how I made them sm...

First in 2019. Yes, I’ve got plans, I have a few wishes, but I completely surrender eveything to Him. I know I don’t have the power to make everything possible and all of the things in my favor. I just have to trust His plans, and his will, however it may be. I just want Him to walk beside me and remind me constantly that I can, that I am strong enough to get through it. 🙏 2019 Planner from Mercury Drug

When can I accept the reality that there will be kids who will look at my son with special needs, and whisper at each other then giggle? I know they are still kids but I hope that there will also be parents who would have the initiative to teach their children the awareness and compassion, kindness, patience and understanding towards kids with special needs, with visible disability or not, because there will always be kids like Joaqui in our society, whether at the malls, in  school, at the church, at the grocery especially in your neighborhood who has parents that will get hurt and deeply pained when their kids are being laughed at. Let us teach our children to learn the value of special friendships. Let us encourage kind behavior. It is never too early to teach our children about being nice at all times. They may not yet verbalize it, but they can understand it. I don't want to see any more special needs children being laughed at and bullied by other children. I’m a mom, and thi...

An 8-months premature baby boy who weighs more than 1 kilo, too small and thin, the rib cage are visible that nobody has the courage to carry you except me, who was in and out of the hospital and endured the pain from hundreds of needle inserts, is now going to a regular school and is continuing to make us proud and amazed by how you’re taking baby steps to be able to catch up with your peers. I h ope you’d understand that you don’t have to be exactly like them, I just want you to live happy and independently. You alone is a miracle when I almost give up and had fears back then that God will take you away from us. But you turned out to be a living proof that God will never give me more than I can handle and I believe that He will continue to guide us and provide for us as we take this journey hand in hand. I pray every night that the Lord will bless you with kind-hearted people who will look after you, protect you and love you when Mama and Papa are not around. Sounds morbid but I alwa...

Most of our mornings, before going to school, Joaqui has this mood swings caused by petty things. He gets easily annoyed whether it is about his breakfast, or his baon that he doesn't like, or when his school service hasn't arrived yet because he really hates waiting, or when one of his pencils is missing. One minute he's jolly, another minute he's cranky. This is something that I have to deal with a lot of patience and understanding every morning. 

Today marks my first month and 19th day since the motorcycle accident. I’ve had 21 surgical staples and 13 stitches on my left foot that underwent surgical debridement. Life is unpredictable. We’ll never know what’s gonna happen next. Anything can change in a blink of an eye, in a snap of a finger. Our lives can turn upside down in a millisecond. Ironic at times. Full of surprises. Expect the unexpected. 3 days before the accident :( Monday, 5am. I received a text message from Joaqui’s school service that he will not be able to fetch Joaqui for 2 weeks because he’s sick. Okay, I’m doomed. I didn’t anticipate this since I’ve been caught up with loads of household works, my printing deadline, the demands in spreads, not to mention that my youngest Miguel is acting up in school and he doesn’t want me to leave. I also have a spine problem so I wasn’t allowed to carry anything heavy and has been told to avoid long walks. I’m spending a couple of hours every week pra...